Disney Style Drabbles
Disclaimer: so ooc it hurts
7. Fathoms below - AU universe where our characters are mermaids
Asked by: Rachel Dare (wholly-oracular)
Percy Jackson did not know where to put it. He was new to this whole ‘tail’ thing. Although he had to say, he was totally digging the new turquoise tail. It was a good colour on him. But where will he put it?
His pair of shoes, you dirty dirty thing. He didn’t have his feet to shove into his new jimmy choos, what a shame. There was no place under the sea dry enough to store them without any of those stanky crustacean shitting all over them, those little shits.
So he went about asking around Atlantis for a kind of magic shoe box or something, and for some reason everyone thought he had an important Olympian artefact that he had to return to safety.
”Oh yeeeeahhhhh,” he rolled his eyes, “I totes save the world on a regular basis.” (that’s right, he does, but he’s far to humble to see that)
Everyone shook their heads, no. See, people under the sea tended to enjoy being wet. In more ways than one.
Finally, his grumpy half-brother, Triton, growled something helpful at him.
”Rachel the orasdkfjaufhsf,” he said.
”You’re such an eloquent speaker.”
Triton glared squid ink at him. (less painful than daggers but much messier and uglier)
”I said, Rachel the Orca!”
”There’s an Orca named Rachel? What, like the Oracle of the sea?”
”Precisely.”
Strange, but he’d take anything he could get. So he followed Triton’s map, past the Fields of Algae, the Kelp Labyrinth, the Kraken Watch Broadcasting Station, the anti-tartar sauce activists and finally arrived at the Cave of Rachel the Orca.
Enter.
A voice. Percy wondered if he could speak whale or if Rachel could speak human. The walls of the cave were decorated with water-proof oil paintings anchovy-free pizza. As Percy ventured into the inner bowels of the cave, the paintings became more intricate and seemingly flavourful. Like Rachel had developed a desperation for anchovy-free pizza. And right at the end…
Rachel didn’t turn out to be a perpetually smiling, evil, black and white lump of smooth whale. Rachel as it turned out, was Rachel Elizabeth Dare the Land Oracle. Not orca. Oracle. Complete with a gleamin’ red tail.
“I knew it!” Percy cried in indignation, “I knew Triton, that rascally nutter, he was screwing with me!”
Rachel Elizabeth Dare the Mermaid not Orca snorted.
“You know nuthin’, Percy Jackson,”
“Watcha doin’ down here, Rachel? Apollo giving you grief?”
Rachel rolled her eyes.
“For your information, I’m on an exchange program with the local oracle here. What’s her name… Ursula? Yeah. Evil sea-witch and all that,” she rubbed her scaly hips thoughtfully, “Ursula was pretty triggered by my red hair. So she cursed me to eat nothing but anchovy pizza down here.”
“Must have been a real damper on your spirits,” Percy yawned, “Now did she leave any spell behind for making dry spots or something? My jimmy choos are soaked.”
“Jimmy choos? How the hades do you know what jimmy choos are? And why do you even own any?”
“I don’t know, you know what a blue plastic hairbrush is but you certainly don’t know how to use one.”
The two measured each other up for a moment. Rachel took a bottle from one of the shell-ves and tossed it to Percy.
”You’re not Percy,” she decided, “so this bottle of Ursula’s Quick Dry is going to cost you something.”
”Name your price.”
”Your sarcasm.”
”Haha, yeah, sure.”
”I mean it.”
”And I mean to marry the next fish I se— I mean… What? You do???”
Percy clutched his throat.
”My— sarcasm???”
Rachel smirked as she poured Ursula’s Quick Dry all over his jimmy choos.
”Sometimes having anchovy pizza all the time pays off,” she flipped her hair, “now I’ll just store your shoes here until you’re ready to have legs again, kay? Just do it within 3 days, because Ursula’s coming back then and she’ll probably wear them on her tentacles.”
She paused.
”They’re pretty nasty tentacles.”
With that she turned her fin and left the cave. Probably to scavenge for anchovy-free pizza.
”BUT I CAN’T BE PERCY THE STRAIGHT-TALKING GUY FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS! I HAVE RIGHTS!” Percy wailed.
But when a sassy guy speaks and no one is there to hear it, is he still sassy?
Anonymous
